Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
