you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
