Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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