im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
