you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
