OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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