I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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