i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
