I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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