She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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