So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thus making me awesome and them whores
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
