my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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