i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What drink are we having for lunch?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
