guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
