theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
