Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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