i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
