I heard we made out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
