I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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