There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
