the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
