I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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