At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
