Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
