Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
