Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
