WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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