I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
