watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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