he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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