If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
