if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
