I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
