the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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