Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
