I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
