Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
