these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
