Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
