how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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