I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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