that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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