So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
