shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
