So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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