I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
