so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He passed out mid-signature
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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