I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
