You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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