Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
