that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
