never play flip cup with pint glasses
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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