We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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