My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
