u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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