How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have demons in me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
